Honest Moment: Lately, I’ve just about had it with our 5 year old foster child. Over the past 6 months that we’ve had him, he’s exhibited normal young-boy behavior– crazy off the wall screaming most moments, daredevil stunts that make me think we’re going to the ER, arguing about toys.
But in the past month, his behavior has been outright destructive. Just in the past few weeks, he’s been peeing all over the house, picking holes in the drywall near his bed, pulling tires off of my kids’ toys and flushing them down the toilet “just to see what will happen”, and, the worst one yesterday, destroying with a shovel one of the garden beds I’ve worked so hard on. And the worst part? He lies so sweetly and innocently about it all, that it’s difficult to find out the truth.
Sigh. The trained “therapeutic foster mom” in me says, “Well, good! If he’s feeling the need to hurt things, at least he’s not hurting himself.”
But the selfish momma part of me is saying, “No fair! The first couple months are supposed to be the hardest! Not the last! I don’t WANT my things broken! I don’t want pee all over my house!”
I’ll admit, after yesterday’s garden bed incident, it was hard for me to look at him. I actually sent him away to his room while I called a few people and vented.
And then, for some reason, one of my favorite songs from childhood popped into my head. It was a song that we used to sing at my Presbyterian church, based on this verse from Lamentations: “Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”
I remember how we used to sing that part over and over again: “New every morning”. God renews the covenant He made with us every morning, because we’re always destroying his creation, whether it be our own hearts or those around us.
A few hours later, I pulled our 5 year old in for a hug and told him that I forgave him even though he hurt me. I was even able to tell him that I loved him. I shocked even myself.
Because although my Therapeutic Foster Voice told me to dismiss it, and the Selfish Voice told me it wasn’t fair, the Loved Voice told me that I don’t need to rely on my own strength or love in these moments. I can borrow them from my Savior.
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ValleyGirl GoneCountry says
You are A LOT stronger than me. It’s obvious this little boy is acting out … you mentioned that it’s supposed to be tough at the beginning not towards the end, does this little boy know that his time with your family is coming to an end? has he acted this way before with other foster parents when he knows he will have to change families soon? The mom in me hopes that this little boy was disciplined because his actions were clearly out of disrespect for you and your family.
Kelly Cone says
Hahaha, oh, believe me, he was. I collaborated with his biological dad and we agreed on no desserts or treats for a few days. He also has to go to bed MUCH earlier from now on in order to offset the exhaustion his emotions are taking on him. I think he does know his time with us is drawing to a close, his visits with Dad are getting longer and more frequent. We haven’t said anything though because we don’t even know all the details.
Christina Wagenet says
Thank you for the reminder. Though I don’t deal with behavior this crazy, that doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t need God’s merciful love toward my daughter just as much!
Kelly Cone says
We could all use it often!
Seana Turner says
Foster parenting is a challenging road. He’s a lucky little guy to be with you and your family. I wish all kids in this system could be so lucky.
Kelly Cone says
Thanks for saying this, Seana. Half the time, I just feel drained and like I wish I could give them more.