I had a different post planned for today, but this morning’s events at Urgent Care caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and thoughts, you know? Hospitals and illness have a way of doing that.
I’ve spoken many times about the trauma and sorrow adoption/foster care has caused us, but I’ve been remiss in that I haven’t talked about any of the blessings from foster parenting and how our experience has changed our way of thinking about life.
For starters, after seeing what can occur when someone’s parents aren’t there for them in their formative years, I am more grateful than I’ve ever been for my own mother and father. It’s easy to look at our parents and their mistakes because that’s what kids do— watch and learn. The criticism comes with the territory, I suppose. But my parents were there for me my entire childhood. They are still there for me today. I know that if I am in trouble or hurting, they will move mountains in order to help. And they don’t just “rescue” or “comfort” me– they want to spend time with me! I get to have a relationship with them, now that I’m older.
Many people could say this about their families. But coming from a privileged and sheltered background, I don’t think I’d ever confronted the reality that there are probably more people who CAN’T say this about their parents than those who can. I am so grateful for my upbringing and the unconditional love I was always blanketed with. I can never quantify what this has meant for me.
Secondly, after seeing how traumatized many foster children are, I’m grateful for my boys. I’ve been given a new appreciation for how loving they are and how willing they are to accept love. I always just assumed this was natural, until I experienced what it’s like when it’s completely foreign. Encountering any sort of attachment disorder gives one newfound respect for every single person out there who’s opened themselves up to the scary possibility of loving and being loved. Every time my boys race to hug me– every time I hear AJ sleep-talking about, “Momma”– every time Gregory flips out in anticipation of going over to his grandparents’ houses– I thank God for how normal they are. I am so grateful that God hasn’t yet allowed any trauma into their young and formative years.
Thirdly, after being denied the opportunity of being an adoptive/foster parent, I’m grateful for every day that I get to spend as the mother of my boys. All the late nights and early mornings, all the crazy changes my body’s been through, all screaming temper tantrums, ALL OF IT is such a blessing. I get to be their mom. There is no higher calling, no greater privilege. Sometimes, being denied that privilege in a specific case makes one realize how lucky you really are. It makes me realize that God’s calling for my life can outweigh any momentary rejection.
Lastly, I’m grateful for normal, ho-hum boring days. Until you’ve lived in the chaos of a foster care situation for months on end, wondering at every moment when a new crisis is going to blow up, you don’t really appreciate the peace and grace of the normal. There are days where I wake up with the boys, play, put them down for their naps, wait for Jesse to come home, and we eat a peaceful dinner together as a family. And I get to think to myself, “we are so blessed”. Some foster kids have NEVER experienced one day like this, let alone weeks. No crisis. No danger. No screaming arguments or violence. Just love.
Overall, this experience has taught me to hold my family close, and never take one wonderful moment with them for granted. Every sweet hug and kiss from my affectionate boys should be cherished, never overlooked.
I’ll end with a quote from a Matt Walsh article about Bullying and High School Peer Pressure:
“What you’ll realize when you’re an aging, grizzled, world weary 27 year old like me, is that family is far more important than friends. We are only capable of having a limited number of close, meaningful, intimate human relationships. People who waste their quota on their peers at the expense of their family will regret it one day.”
Such a good reminder, when our culture is so focused on more facebook friends, more mommy friends, more church groups. Really, all that matters is your family and a close group of friends that could pretty much be counted as relatives. The rest is just icing on the cake.
Related postsMy Two Favorite Posts of 2014 |
10 Things I Never Knew About Foster Care |
That God May Be Glorified |
What Foster Parents REALLY Need |
Miwa @ cranes and clovers says
What a wonderful post. Your boys are so lucky to have you. Having a “normal” life is a blessing, and I think, every now and then we all need to take a step back from the craziness of every day to appreciate the miracle of that. And I couldn’t agree more with the quote at the end. When it all comes down to it, family is what matters more than anything. Thanks for sharing.
themrscone says
Miwa! I just checked out your blog and it’s so fascinating! One of a kind! Can’t wait to read more.
lhasa says
What a great thought provoking post! I don’t know your entire story and am looking into reading more…but this post such a beautiful reminder of how lucky most of us our- in our humble little boring lives.
Lhasa {} lhasaslovelyday.com
themrscone says
Thanks! It’s always good to learn to appreciate the normal quiet of the everyday 🙂