Last Thursday, I bought a beautiful desk for Jesse off of Craigslist. By beautiful, I mean GORGEOUS- made by Pottery Barn with the high quality that is only typical of handmade-real-wood things.
I had called Michael the day before wondering if he would help me carry it up the stairs Thursday night so that by the time Jesse got home from class, it would be all set up as a surprise.
What I didn’t realize is that high-quality also means EXTREMELY HEAVY. And we live on the 3rd floor. It would have been a great commercial for Pottery Barn:
Ad #1
Kelly: “Well, as you can see here, we’ve got a <OOO> beautiful desk made of <watch out!> real oak wood <alright Michael, let’s set it down for a break>.”
Michael: “We’ve only gone four inches.”
Kelly: “But I’ve just necessitated the need for a chiropractor.”
At one point going up the stairs, we got extremely off-balanced and almost fell. So, being the helpful girl that she is, Courtney reached her hand out to stabilize the desk. It was as if the wood were made of glue- her hand never left and she continued to help us lift the desk off the stairs.
I resisted and said, “Sarah (Courtney’s awesome mid-wife) would KILL me right now if she saw this!”
But my lifting efforts must have been just so pathetic that Courtney could not risk me letting go, thereby crushing Michael under the weight of the desk.
Ad #2
Announcer: “As you can see, our desks are made with the finest quality wood available! Why, they can even crush a man! Take a look!”
We finally made it up the stairs into the apartment and I thought to myself, “That wasn’t so bad!”
Until the next day when I was on my way home and received a call from Jesse, telling me that Courtney was on bed-rest for the next week due to the strong and rapid contractions she was experiencing every time she stood up.
And suddenly, I wanted to kick and throw things. Which wouldn’t have been good, seeing as I was riding home in the car with my boss and his daughter, who already think that I am a big crybaby.
Add onto this that Courtney’s baby shower with her relatives was supposed to take place in Temple the following morning, and I felt like the worst godmother in the entire world. Luckily, Courtney’s family is awesome and immediately understood the irony that would have taken place had we endangered the baby to have a baby shower 2 hrs. away. Instead, they kindly drove up to Courtney’s apartment so that the shower could still take place. Courtney’s contractions have also stopped, which is a good thing.
Lately, since Jesse and I have been reading Dante with our students, we have been inventing different levels of Purgatory for me to go to whenever I have done a bad thing. I am inventing another one right now, wherein I am stuck inside a womb and being crushed by desks every few minutes.
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courtney says
hahahahahahahaha….i had forgot about your purgatory punishments. that made me laugh out loud. thanks. and you’re a great godmother. now we know that topher was just normal size and ready to come out! 🙂