I remember last Christmas, when my brother announced to the family that he was planning on joining the Navy as soon as they would take him. I cried all the way through dinner, but only my dad saw.
Today was the day I’ve been dreading ever since. My brother was sworn in and sent off to boot camp.
In many ways, this is a good thing. I have to remember that. Keith would be the first to tell you that he doesn’t know what to do with his life and that’s he’s disappointed about where he’s at. And from what I hear, the military is really good about instilling drive and discipline.
But that doesn’t make it any easier on me, or the rest of my family. The thing is, Keith has a lot of external attributes that he puts on himself. I think he feels as though he will get walked on if he lets his true personality show forth. The people that only see this rough exterior…they’re the ones who say his name and roll their eyes.
But the ones who know the real Keith- who have seen him when he is the most himself- might roll their eyes at times, but always follow it up with a knowing smile. I see the real Keith whenever I pray with him or watch him comfort Janelle when she’s having a rough day and no else noticed. The real Keith took me shopping on my 19th birthday and followed me around the mall, making a list of “possibilities” for my present at each store we entered. The real Keith couldn’t wait to use his very first paycheck this summer on buying my mom a spa package for Mother’s Day. The real Keith couldn’t wait until Sunday so he could be at church again to pray.
And if the Navy is going to help the real Keith finally show himself to the world, who am I to stand in the way?
But that doesn’t make it easy. Good things never are. I had a great talk with Keith as he was waiting in his hotel room last night. He was more honest about himself and his life than I’ve ever seen him, so I can already seen that this is going to be a great experience. I tried not to cry on the phone, since I know he would only blame himself, but it was tough. I cried periodically throughout the day, especially when I was listening to my voicemail and heard an old message of his. I usually try to talk to Keith pretty often, and even though it doesn’t always happen, I’ve never gone for 2 months without being able to hear what’s going on with him. Can’t they make a shorter version of bootcamp?
The one major blessing of the day was when I went to Curves to workout. The owner (who I frequently chat with about her latest mission trip or mega-bible-church event) saw my (evidently) puffy eyes and asked how I was doing. After talking for a few minutes, she offered me a free round-trip standby ticket on Delta airlines to see Keith graduate from boot camp in Chicago. Apparently, her husband is a pilot and gets free tickets!
Please keep Keith in your prayers. I would really appreciate it.
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cornerofnoandwhere says
He, you, and your family are in my prayers. May you (all) recognize a measure of the peace God is giving you today (since I know He’s offering it).