Lots of Pregnancy Love going on here.
When Anthony sees this someday, I’ll make sure to tell him it’s because I already loved him sooo much that I couldn’t WAIT to meet him.
I will probably “fail” to mention all the other stuff 🙂
So…I may have gotten a little tired and lazy on Thursday and didn’t post a picture. Perhaps I’m also in denial. HOW IS HE STILL IN HERE? I know I sound ridiculous, seeing as 37 is just barely full term, but I’ve had so many different episodes of painful contractions that I’ve started counting with a stopwatch, only to have them gradually spread back out again into just Braxton Hicks. Twice last night, painful contractions woke me up and I started timing them, only to wake up with Jesse’s alarm a few hours later, no labor, no baby. Agh! It’s maddening.
Today, I did some contemplating about this whole me + pregnancy thing. The truth is, I should be very grateful. As far as average pregnancies go, mine have both been relatively easy and complication free. No swelling, no stretch marks, no throwing up, no bed rest, no gestational diabetes, no anemia, no Strep B, no hormone swings. Without exercising or dieting (I eat icecream/McFlurries every single day), I only gain 20-30 pounds, and last time I lost it all within a week.
So, by all accounts, it would seem that I should be fine with pregnancy. We should be buds. Just some heartburn that a Tums or glass of milk here or there makes bearable, and some nausea that makes me extremely picky all of the time. I don’t necessarily have child-bearing hips, as they say, but hey, they brought Gregory into the world just fine, all the same (although they feel like someone took a baseball bat to each side!). But my chiropractor has almost completely cured my horrible sciatica, caused by my curved tailbone, so even that’s not an issue anymore! And the awful carpal tunnel hasn’t made it’s dreaded appearance again, either.
But I don’t love pregnancy. I really really really don’t. I hate being incapacitated, I hate having to say “no” because I’m too weak and tired, and I hate having my brain muddled by anything that’s slightly difficult or frustrating. I want to be emotionally available to help people, and I want to be physically able to help around the house, to hold Gregory for long periods of time again, to “shoot hoops” with Gregory and Jesse outside (I’ve tried shooting once or twice, without the help of any ab muscles, obviously, and G just gives me this look like, “really, mom? that’s pathetic.”).
People reminisce about pregnancy, remembering how “special” they felt, carrying a life around inside of them, but I just feel like a spectacle or a circus freak. Last week at the store, I realized that I kept receiving a certain “look” that reminded me more of a grimace. It was as if people were staring and going, “Oh, you look miserable!”. Last night, as we were all sitting on the couches, I asked Jesse to get something for me from the table. He said he’d rather not, so I said I’d get it. Immediately, he responded, “No! Then I’ll feel bad! I don’t want to watch you!” “Is it THAT grotesque? That painful???” I growled. He paused, got very silent, then whispered, “yes?” Wrong answer, dude.
I’ve always had the desire for many children, all the way back to when I was 10 years old and talked all the time of the orphanages I was going to found. I always pictured having 4-5 kids of my own, along with adopting a bunch more.
But why is it so hard to grow kids? I’m willing to give them a home, love them, make sacrifices for them. I’ll even go through labor, episiotomies and cracked tailbones…anything! Why does one have to be pregnant, on top of all that?
I know I sound ridiculous and ungrateful. Please excuse the pregnancy ranting, it probably won’t make sense to me in a few weeks either.
I realized that I should record a few of the strange cravings I’ve been having over this pregnancy.
* Ice chips– this probably means my nutrients are deficient in some way, but whatever, I do what I can. I just LOVE chewing on ice! Ice water is particularly fine– I drink 2 big glasses every morning with my half cup of coffee.
* Tuna, especially tuna salad!
* Top Ramen– this is a disgusting and embarrassing one from the first trimester.
* Taco Bell burritos– equally embarrassing, nutritionally speaking 🙂
* Soup, especially Minestrone
*Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches– I’ve never liked these before now!
* Peaches!!!
* McFlurrys (oh, mini-snack size, you are a tummy angel!)
* Thrifty’s Cookie Dough Icecream
* DONUTS. nahmnahm
* Strawberries– In a day, G and I can eat a whole container of fresh organic strawberries, BY OURSELVES
My beer cravings are still pretty strong, but not as bad as last time. In case you don’t remember, before I got pregnant with Gregory, I disdained even the SMELL of beer. During the pregnancy, it was all of a sudden there– this irresistible, can’t-get-through-a-beer-commercial type of thirst. I barely even knew what beer tasted like, having only had a sip or two in my life, but all of a sudden, I was Gollum and it was my ring. Jesse bought me some non-alcoholic beer, and I loved it, not knowing any better. After I had G, Jesse introduced me to the wonderful world of dark, malty beers and I fell in love (lest you think I sound like an alcoholic, I can barely finish a beer before I’m full…not even close to being enough for any sort of buzz or even having a dangerous level in breastmilk!). And then, when my milk supply struggled, I drank two beers a day along with a ton of Brewer’s Yeast.
But now, having tasted such wonderful dark beer, I can no longer stand the non-alcoholic stuff. It’s way too bitter and weak.
So, I bide my time…Jesse’s promised that if I do a good job birthing this kid, he’ll take me out for a nice beer on tap! Can’t wait, for sooo many reasons, the least of which is I would like an end to all these contractions! Last night, I hardly slept at all. They just kept coming, and I couldn’t even sleep through many of them.
Would somebody please buy Anthony this onesie?
No baby yet. It’s a little disappointing that it didn’t happen when both Joe and David (brother and brother-in-law) were here. Joe is still here for one more day, but David went back to TX this morning.
I guess I just hope that it happens right around 38 weeks. Jesse and I have 2 weeks of Easter break at that time, which would be nice, especially since, as a part time teacher, I don’t have any “actual” sick time. We’ve worked out an arrangement for Jesse’s and my classes to be combined while I’m gone (they’re both 9th grade, mine is the Honors version). It’s not ideal, but it’s better than the school needing to spend money on a sub. I want Jesse to have to deal with this bigger class size (23 people…not too big, right?) for as little time as possible.
In happy news, yesterday my doula gave me a prenatal massage at her peaceful little yoga house that overlooks Pismo Beach. I then went straight to my chiropractor appointment. It was almost enough to fool me into thinking I could do this, “carry a huge baby around” for another couple of weeks!