Birthcenter vs. Hospital

Posted on November 13, 2013 by themrscone

This was me at 37 weeks. And it got bigger. Ouch.

This was me at 37 weeks. And I got bigger. Ouch.

Screw that. I might as well of titled this post: “Let’s Get Every Mom Out There Super Riled Up.”

Or maybe I should have titled it, “Why-I-don’t-believe-in-vaccines-but-sometimes-I-actually-think-I-do-and-actually-I-don’t-know-what-to-think-anymore-but-nevertheless-YOU-must-be-wrong-about-it!”

Regardless of how much one might think I like to sit around and dream up ways to get people upset, I truly think that I have a unique perspective on this subject, having done both sides of the equation. So hear me out. I’m not here to rile, just to present my experience.

The topic of where you decide to shoot your baby out is rifled with controversy. I’m not going to lie and judge other moms for caring or imposing their opinions on others. I’ve been there, I do that. For some reason, there’s this part of the Mommy brain the jumps into “High Alert” mode every time pregnancy or childbirth is mentioned.

I don’t think that the only reason moms tell you what they think is because they need validation for THEIR particular choice. Moms have this protective nature that causes them to want to protect others and their children too. I think it comes from a very good place. But we have to protect both sides of the equation as well– the baby AND the mommy. The baby’s health should never be compromised, true, but every woman is a victorious champion for giving birth. There is no harder thing to do, whether you have a 2 day labor or a 2 hour labor (side note: faster labors are often scarier, more painful, and traumatic!).

I’ve had one baby at a Birth Center (essentially, a home birth, as there is no access to any drugs or doctors, just you and the midwives), and one at a Hospital. I’ve seen this scenario before, but it usually goes the other way around. Often, the first birth is at a hospital and is so traumatizing, the mom decided to go all natural the second time around (Business of Being Born, anyone?). In this case, comparing the two isn’t really fair or accurate. The first birth is ALWAYS traumatic, in certain ways. They don’t call them pioneer babies for nuthin’. A mom who has her first baby with an epidural and then has her second at home isn’t comparing apples to apples. Second births are an ENTIRELY different story, 99.9% of the time. What was once a clogged drain is now a salad shooter. Um-hum. Went there.

So…ready for the crazy part of what I’m about to say? I had a more natural birth at the hospital. Yup. Darn tootin’.

There were a few reasons for this, mainly, the fact that Gregory’s birth wasn’t so much of a clogged drain issue as it was a BABY WHO REFUSED TO TURN issue, but the biggest issue came down to the midwife. Hear me loud and clear– not all midwives are created equal! Just because she has the name, “midwife” doesn’t mean she will make the right call when the time comes. This goes for midwives who work in birth centers, hospitals, or even at home. A friend of mine’s home birth ended in a c-section, and she mostly blames the midwife’s decisions and techniques.

A quick run down:

Birth Center Birth, 2010 (read the complete story here): No drugs, no access to a birthing pool (one girl got there before me and got first dibs on the room with a tub– sad!), induced labor by breaking my water, IV drip for dehydration (I couldn’t keep ANYTHING down, so I was losing energy fast!), episiotomy and stitches. That last part may seem like TMI, but it’s directly relevant in the comparison, I assure you. 99% of the people I’ve talked to were aghast that any midwife ever agreed to do one, especially on an unmedicated woman. They also attempted to turn Gregory’s head during contractions by pulling and yanking on things that should NEVER be pulled and yanked on while in the middle of a very painful birth. Instead of turning him, they just ended up sapping me of all my energy and will to live, to the point where my contractions were doing nothing by the end. Usually, you want strong contractions at the end, right? To push the baby out? Mine were weaker than in pre-labor.

Summation: Yes, I was allowed many of the things I wanted in a birth, like music and candles and whatever food I wanted, and since I was nervous about the “first time”, the birth center’s close proximity to the hospital was a HUGE plus. But my midwife was aggressive and didn’t let the scenario play out like it should. When you induce labor, it brings on the TOUGHEST part right away, with no chance to let it build up. I was a week ahead of my due date, for crying out loud! Why was I induced? Everything was a domino effect after that, in my opinion. I didn’t quite realize how traumatic things were until I had a second birth and saw how different things could be. I was grateful for a natural birth, but I knew that things hadn’t gone great.

Hospital Birth, 2011 (read the complete story here): Due to insurance reasons (um, 100% paid for? Sign me up), we went with a CNM midwife through our local hospital. This time, however, I did oodles of research and realized that French Hospital is distinctly unique for their approach to labor and delivery, which is also why they don’t take complicated births. Their team of lactation consultants was founded by the woman who wrote “The Complete Book of Breastfeeding”. I was allowed whatever food, music and clothing I wanted (no hospital gowns for this girl!). I was never given an IV during labor or delivery. I was able to use the FREE birthing tub that they had waiting for me when I arrived. I did have to get out right before pushing (hospital rules), but if I hadn’t, AJ might not be here today due to his complications. AJ never left the room for tests, and we were able to refuse any and all vaccines and tests that we wanted. I had a lactation consultant ready for me at the push of a button, which meant that AJ and I were a total dream team from the start (he regained his birth weight plus 5 ounces by Day Three!).

When AJ came out with the cord wrapped twice, completely blue and not breathing at all, a team of 3 nurses were able to bring him back while my midwife was able to stay with me and deal with my immediate post birth issues. And, when my after birth emergency complications crashed down on us, I had a full team ready to help me. I think there were 5 people in the room when it all went down. The quickness of the team meant that I didn’t need a blood transfusion.

And when I asked/begged for an epidural? The stereotype would tell you that they pushed it on me, or at least acquiesced. Instead, my midwife chuckled and said, “Oh no, you don’t need that.” Also, she drank BEER with me right after delivery, right there in the hospital. How cool is that?

Summation: Although it was a “sterile hospital environment”, my doula (who also gave me prenatal and postpartum massages at her yoga studio!) brought music and scented oils to make the most of things. Having a heated tub waiting for me was the bomb. I had the same CNM the entirety of my birth, the next day, and for all my postpartum checkups. My post partum nurses were as sweet as can be, and one of them prayed with me during my delivery. The only “drawback” was the fact that they were required by law to monitor AJ’s heart rate more than I would’ve preferred (it’s rather painful to sit still when you’re in the later stages of labor).

My take away?

I would choose French Hospital again in a heartbeat, since I know that they would never force any interventions on me, yet I get to save thousands of dollars by having the birth for free. Would I choose a different hospital in another city? Not without a ton of research and skepticism. But it can be done.

As far as birth centers go, I don’t think I would ever choose one again. I would definitely go the home birth route, were I to have another baby outside of a hospital. The biggest thing that stinks about a birth center, in my opinion, is that you have to drive home 6 hours later! For us, that was a big pain– Jesse had just stayed up with me for 32 hours! He was incredibly sleep deprived, as was I (obviously). We had to drive home, get settled, then deal with a newborn without ever getting a chance to rest. I loved that I got to stay in the hospital for 2 days, with all my meals brought to me and someone to come rushing at the push of a button whenever I needed more Ibuprofen or a new heating pad. Because Jesse wasn’t doing the basics of caring for us, we were able to spend 2 days enjoying our newborn. The only drawback was how much I missed Gregory, since he couldn’t sleep at the hospital with us.

Whew! Does anyone else have an opinion about birth centers/hospitals/home births that they’re willing to share? I love hearing other people’s experiences! Truly!

1 1/2 years Postpartum

Posted on October 6, 2013 by themrscone

Let me preface this post by saying that I love my two boys more than anything in the world. I am blessed to be their mother, and I am blessed that I got to carry them for a collective 19 months.

Now for the realism: The Postpartum Stage has not been kind to me. In the interest of keeping it real around here, I am about to list my bizarre after-birth occurrences.

1. Hair Loss– I had some minor hair-shedding after Gregory, my first, but my second pregnancy was another story entirely. I lost CLUMPS. I look back at certain postpartum pics, and I can actually see bald spots in various places.

The shedding has slowed, thank God, but I still lose more hair on a daily basis than I used to. All of the bald spots have grown back in, producing the weirdest cowlicks and fly-aways. No fair.

2. Nickel Allergy– I can no longer wear any gold that contains nickel as an alloy. This includes my lovely wedding ring. I’ve been coating it with nail polish for the past couple months, but it gets gunky and I’m afraid of tarnishing the gold. I’ve talked to several jewelers about rhodium plating, but they all say that it will only last for a month or two. At $50/pop, that’s around $300/year of maintenance.

3. Gluten and Soy Allergy– I’m not positive that these are due to postpartum, but from the research I’ve done, it seems that auto-immune responses are like dominoes. After 27 years, I can only explain these sudden allergies by saying that they are probably piggy-backing off of the nickel allergy.

4. Foot Size– My feet have grown half a size, thanks to all the relaxin chemicals in pregnancy.

Bizarre, no?

Thankfully, I haven’t had to deal with any of the more common side effects, such as weight gain or stretch marks. But I am still coming to grips with how different my life is, now that I’ve gone through pregnancy.

Countdown…

Posted on April 6, 2013 by themrscone

A year ago today, I looked like this!

39 weeks!

Living in the New House

Posted on March 1, 2013 by themrscone

We have now been in our new house for 12 days. 12 whole days!! It’s hard to believe how the time has flown.

While the journey it took to get here was miserable (I officially hate house hunting!), it is SOO worth it now. I’ve never known the wonderful feeling of actually owning where we live, and it’s incredible. Jesse feels it too. He’s been Mr. Fixit man around here, installing curtains, our washer and dryer, our BRAND NEW stove (yay!), brackets, shelves, you name it. In fact, he did so much work last Monday that the power drill, fully charged at the beginning of the day, had run out of battery by the evening. And he kept going anyways, doing things by hand. Seriously!

Also, our place looks good. Really good. I’ve been dreaming it up in my head for a long time now, and I was afraid that all of the calculations wouldn’t turn out how I’d envisioned. Nope, it’s all more awesome than I could’ve realized. I’ll post pictures as soon as I get a chance!

We’ve met a few neighbors, and love that we have 10-15 kids living all around us! What a cool neighborhood this is!

If you can see past the sprinkler stains on the window, you can see our deer family!

And then there’s the wildlife…we are only a TWO MINUTE drive from the largest street and shopping center in our city, a THREE MINUTE drive from the freeway, and only a FIVE minute drive from where we both work, and yet….it feels like we’re out in the middle of nowhere. It’s so quiet, so peaceful, with just woods and trees all around us. Our house is on a little over 1/2 an acre, and we have so many deer and squirrels that come to play in our front yard. Every morning, Gregory eats breakfast while watching the family of deer that comes to rest on our lawn. It’s adorable (also, we will be building a deer fence around some of it so I can have my garden! Stay tuned!).

Basically, we love it here. We couldn’t be more grateful for God handing us this wonderful place after so much searching and heartache.

7 months postpartum

Posted on November 9, 2012 by themrscone

I haven’t done any updates on postpartum progress in a while.

Due to all the stress and crazy shenanigans in my life, I have only exercised once in the last month. So that belly bump isn’t quite gone yet. Oh well, perhaps when my life calms down? Or maybe I’ll just buy some Spanx.

Impatience

Posted on June 14, 2012 by themrscone

Yesterday marked “9 weeks postpartum” for me.

Here’s a bit of a true confession– just like with Gregory, I’m starting to get impatient. I want my “old body” back.

Anybody who’s had a kid can tell you the real hard truth: although the numbers may go back to normal, everything has shifted. Nothing looks the same, which makes perfect sense! Having a baby requires your ab muscles to virtually separate and disappear. Your organs have to rearrange themselves (at the very end of my pregnancy, I felt my stomach growl, and it was under my rib cage, near my back! Tell me that isn’t some serious shifting!).

I’ve avoided working out based on my experience last time. I started exercising waaayyy too soon, and, as a result, not only re-injured my tailbone (stupid Pilates…) but also started losing weight like crazy. I vowed that I would not make the same mistake again.

But it’s a definite temptation of mine. When I see my post-partum tummy, I want to hit the gym HARD, eat only lean meats and veggies, and never look back. It has nothing to do with numbers on a scale or clothes I want to wear. I just remember and miss my old stomach, even the one I had post-Gregory (yes, after 7-8 weeks my abs did go back to a semi-normal “flat” state).

Knowing this temptation of mine, I purposely put an extended “hold” on my gym membership until July. I knew that if I set foot inside, I would be unable to hold back.

Because I’ve realized something– knowing what I know about myself and my metabolism, it would be pure selfishness to do any sort of hard exercising right now. I know, almost without a doubt, what it will do to my milk supply, and, therefore, Anthony’s health.

The impatient part of me that almost doesn’t care?

My strong sense of entitlement and selfishness, front and center.

But this is just another area of my heart that I get to see the Lord change in me. I get to realize that my body is no longer mine, but an offering to God for His service. That part in the Romans where Paul says to “offer yourself as a living sacrifice”? Totally starting to get that now. I don’t get to decide what I do with my body apart from God’s plan for it, or I am clearly no better than Jonah, running away in the hull of some ship.

I’ve mentioned on this blog the huge struggles I had with eating disorders in high school. While peer pressure is definitely a factor for many teens, I think the biggest factor is control– we like to pretend we are mini-gods, masters of our own universe. Our culture tells us that we can have anything we want if we just want it badly enough, and eating disorders are no different. Genetics? Who cares. Proper health measures? Forget about it. I’m young and invincible, and if I want to eat in a way that defies the natural way of things, so be it!

I’ve tried “playing god” with my body, and I’ve never been so miserable in all my life.

Which brings me to another lesson God’s been teaching me.

When I stop taking control away from Him, I get to see, no, experience His plan.

For instance, instead of having rock hard abs for my own vanity (my plan), I grew two human beings! It’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my body was able to grow and keep three people (myself included) alive for the past 2.5 years!! That’s so incredible! I still haven’t comprehended how cool God made a woman’s body– in January, 2010, Gregory was just an embryo, no bigger than a pea. Now, he can walk, talk and throw a baseball, largely due to my body and the miracle it was able to produce! Not to mention being responsible for keeping him alive with breastmilk!

Suppose I was stuck on Mount Everest for 3 days and I somehow, by the grace of God, managed to keep myself and two others alive, despite the dangers all around us. That would be an accomplishment, no? And wouldn’t it be wrong for someone to look at all the bruises and frost-bitten limbs and say, “You look terrible!” Wouldn’t that totally be missing the point of the miracle that just took place?

I think postpartum women (especially myself) need to give ourselves a break. We didn’t just keep someone alive for a few days, we did it for months, even years! For me to look at myself and “want” my body back is to do serious injury to the miracle that God did. Who am I to say that this miracle isn’t enough for a lifetime?

10 days

Posted on April 23, 2012 by themrscone

Although my body still seems to hate me from the uterus-healing side of things, my whale belly (my name for it, not Jesse’s, because he does, in fact, enjoy living) has been shrinking! Here’s to looking at the bright side of things, right?

The Saga Continues

Posted on April 20, 2012 by themrscone

To mark the 1-week-anniversary of Anthony’s birth, my body decided to give me a bit of a scare.

Jesse was set to leave for work at 10:30 (our school has had testing every morning this week, so he hasn’t had to be there until right before lunch– a gentle way to ease back into the “everyday” after Easter Break and having a baby!). My mom was supposed to be home from a work meeting at 11:15– less than an hour, right? I was a bit nervous about being alone with both the babes for the first time, even if it was just 45 minutes. Even if I hadn’t had bleeding issues after the birth, I would still be forbidden to lift Gregory for a few weeks (it can cause hemorrhaging in a normal post-partum woman)– not a big deal unless you realize that this rules out lifting him into his crib for naps, putting him in or out of the carseat or high chair….the list goes on.

But 45 minutes. No big deal, right? That’s what I’d been telling myself all morning.

Jesse left for work, and G had a bit of a meltdown, screaming and crying, “Daddaaaaa!!!” at the door. Poor little guy, he’s going through such a rough transition since he had Jesse all to himself over the 2 weeks of break, only to have him go back to work AND be distracted by another baby.

I was sitting on the couch, Anthony in the Moby wrap, and coaxed G over with the promise of reading books. After a few minutes of crying, he finally gave in and sat next to me.

Somewhere around the 3rd book, I felt it– a huge gush of blood.

Oh well, I thought. It takes almost a month for the bleeding to fully subside after having a baby.

I kept reading. Another gush.

And another, and another, and another.

When I left the hospital, they told me that if I filled a pad within an hour, that was too much bleeding and I needed to go to the Urgent Care or ER. Any more than that required an ambulance (if your veins collapse from blood loss on the way to the hospital, there’s no way for them to get an IV in for a transfusion).

Hmmmm. I got up, put Anthony in his bassinet/rocker, and made it to the bathroom while the gushing continued. Sure enough. I had filled that entire pad in a little over 5 minutes.

Crap, oh crap. I thought. Jesse had only been gone for 10 minutes, which meant that my mom wouldn’t be home for at least another 30.

I went back out to watch over Anthony, since G was running all over the house like any normal toddler. And the bleeding continued. Despite my efforts, I started to panic. Here I was alone with 2 kids, getting ready to hemorrhage.

I called my mom, and thankfully, she answered. I asked if she could come home as quickly as possible since I was bleeding a lot. She said that she would do the best she could.

I then texted Jesse, who was about to start class. He called back right away.

Just hearing his voice made me lose it. I started sobbing on the phone, I was so scared. He said that he would be home ASAP and that he wanted me to lie down until then. Easier said than done– Gregory was intent on causing mayhem, but I let him rip apart our bedroom while I watched Anthony in the bassinet beside me. Within a few minutes, Gregory was leaving all sorts of objects for Anthony….a slice of bread on his head (where did he even GET that?), the dropper that goes with the gripe water, the nose suction bulb….

Jesse was home within 10 minutes. We are OFFICIALLY BLESSED to live within a 5 minute drive from school and to have such caring co workers willing to step in and substitute teach in an emergency!

Jesse took the babies while I called the midwife. She was in an appt., but the nurse on call said that if we didn’t hear back within 15 minutes to head to the ER. My mom got home a few minutes after that. Anthony was hungry, so I nursed him and since we still hadn’t heard anything, we left both boys with my mom and headed for the Twin Cities Hospital ER.

I was pretty much losing it, by this point. I kept thinking, “WHERE ARE YOUR BIG GIRL PANTS? STOP CRYING AND BE STRONG!”, but I couldn’t. I just kept thinking about how I didn’t want to spend another night in the hospital, away from my babies.

Luckily, my mom had called ahead to her friend that works the front desk at the ER and had found that there was NO wait (an ER miracle!). We checked right in and were shown to a room.

What followed was a series of tests– first, a vaginal exam (SO NOT FUN after having a baby a week prior!), then 2 types of ultrasounds, then a blood test. Ugh, it’s amazing how calloused I’ve become to needles just within the past week. She had to use my other arm since my right arm was already covered in holes and bruises (I bruise easily).

And then…Jesse and I waited. We answered questions here and there, but mostly tried to talk about other things. Jesse has been pretty obsessed with T.S. Eliot lately, since he’s discussing his poetry with his seniors right now, so he read me some.

And then, the news: the ultrasound was inconclusive, but they thought that they could still detect tissue left over from the birth. It needed to come out, or I would continue to bleed. If they couldn’t get it out through medication, surgery (a D+C) would be necessary.

So, they decided to give me another shot of Methylergonovine (a drug similar to what they give to induce an abortion), one of the three that they gave me right after Anthony’s birth (the one that went really deep into the muscle), only this time they shot it into my butt instead of leg– a LOT less painful, actually. They said that they were also sending me home with a bunch of pills to keep it going.

But right before they gave it to me, the Dr. said offhandedly, “Oh, and you’re not going to be able to breastfeed while you’re on it.”

I started crying again at that, explaining my baby was just days old and I’d only saved up one bottle of milk! Not to mention the fact that I don’t want to introduce either a pacifier or a bottle for the first 3 weeks, since it can get in the way of breastfeeding.

She said it was no big deal, I’d just have to give him formula for a day.

Okay, so I understand that for an ER doc trying to keep someone from a life-threatening emergency like bleeding to death, giving formula to a baby means nothing. But I was in a very vulnerable place, and this was the last emotional straw. I asked if they could wait to give the drug until my mom could bring the baby to nurse one more time. She agreed, so we called my mom who immediately packed up the boys and my breast pump (in case Anthony decided he wasn’t terribly hungry).

Luckily, one of the nurses who was a bit more “OB” minded, called up to the maternity ward and asked them to check in their database. Whaddya know, it’s relatively safe (as safe as Tylenol or Ibuprofen, anyways).

So, they started me on the drug and sent me home. Since I wasn’t given two other cramping drugs at the same time (like after Anthony’s birth) the cramps were not nearly as bad– just like being on a painful period.

And, after about 6 hours, I passed a pretty large clot (about the size of a pack of gum– sorry to be graphic!). I had a follow up appt. with Lisa yesterday, and she said that we’d just keep an eye on it, but for right now, things are back to normal.

Hopefully, the road to recovery is finally drawing to a close!