I just wanted to take a minute to say how PROUD I am of my little boy.
Last night, Jesse put G down to sleep in our room in the Pack n Play, so that we could start packing G’s stuff in his room. That was at around 7pm.
Twice while we were packing, we heard G cry out for around 15 seconds, then fall back asleep. On his own, without help or consolation.
Around midnight, we then moved him from our room back into his room. He was awake as he was being carried in. I re-plugged in the white noise machine, and presto. We laid him down in the crib and walked away. Jesse, who was the one to lay him down, (I quickly got out of eye sight– G doesn’t do so well when he sees “Mamma-Food-Bank”!) said that he grabbed his blankie and turned right over on his side, his official sleeping position. Asleep almost as soon as his head was on the mattress. Like mother like son 🙂
We didn’t hear from him again until 6am, where he nursed for a quick few minutes, and went back to sleep. He didn’t wake up for good until 7:30am.
This was actually a worse than usual night, mostly because we heard him wake once or twice. I feel sorry for him when this happens– it means he’s not in “deep” sleep and is gonna be tired the next day. However, he’s already learned how to soothe himself and go back to sleep within a minute or two.
But sleeping 12 hours/night? Straight? That’s been normal around here for the past 3 months. 90% of the time normal. We can count on it. Usually, if it doesn’t happen it’s because there’s some other factor at play (like last night, for instance– our air conditioning stopped working at around 9pm, so it was much hotter than usual in here. G was probably a little sweaty and uncomfortable).
I always imagined sleep training to be cruel on both the mother and child. I had visions of sitting and letting a baby just cry and cry for hours, until they learned that “momma isn’t going to come”. The thought of teaching my son that I’m not there for him was too heartbreaking to consider.
But that’s not the way it actually turned out. Turns out, that was just fear talking. Instead, what we’ve taught him is that sleep is good, and it’s something he can learn to love and accomplish.
What would we say was the key to our success?
I’m not sure. It isn’t a formula like all the books suggest, that’s for sure! Every kid is different, so every method/theory has to be tweaked.
Some definite things that have helped:
* White noise machine. This isn’t like the white noise of a loud fan. This is MUCH LOUDER. I can’t stress this one enough!! It blocks out all other noise in the house, to where we can even enter the room where he’s sleeping and he won’t wake up. The noise also provides consistency and lulls him back to sleep when he does happen to wake up. We were even able to bring it camping, using AA batteries. With that thing going inside the tent, you couldn’t hear any of the campground noise. Also, this little machine has enabled us to take G to friends’ houses. If they have a spare bedroom, we follow his normal bedtime procedure and put him to down to sleep, just like at home. It takes us more time to help him fall asleep when he’s in a new environment, but because so many factors are similar (blankie, white noise), he can do it. This allows us a lot of flexibility in the evenings! Twice last week we were able to stay at friends’ houses until after midnight, giving us at least 5 hours of baby-free socialization time with friends. When it’s time to go home, he falls right back asleep again in his own room.
* Consistency— the same bedtime routine, every day. Jesse has been great in this regard, taking the burden of putting G down for the night. G knows that Daddy can’t feed him extra, so he doesn’t try. He knows that Daddy won’t be manipulated, so he doesn’t try. Simple as that! We always make sure he has his blankie. When we travelled, I even packed the same bed-sheet he’d been using at home.
*Timing….is everything. If I wait even 10 minutes too long to put G down for a nap, it’s over. He will scream and fight it for hours. I basically have to skip that nap and wait for the next one! Sounds crazy, but it’s true. Without timing, it’s a futile endeavor. I got help in this area from the book, “No-Cry Sleep Method”, where they suggest watching your child for a few days, observing the times of day where they naturally get sleepy. I determined that these times for G were 9am and 1pm. Ever since I started sticking to those times, he goes down without any fuss and sleeps around 2 hours. Also, the “healthy sleep habits, healthy child” book is a valuable resource. They warn that a baby shouldn’t go longer than a few hours without having some sort of nap (even if it’s just to close their eyes for a second!), or they become over tired. If they are over tired often, their internal clock starts to feel that as normal. They don’t know how to wind down or break the pattern. In other words, the more a kid naps, the more a kid sleeps at night. Seems counter-intuitive, but the comparison would be this– ever lain awake at night, your mind racing? You’re tired as all get-out, but you keep tossing and turning and can’t seem to fall asleep? That’s what a baby who hasn’t napped well ends up feeling like!
* Flexibility— there are times where G sleeps longer than he’s supposed to. Some mornings, he doesn’t wake up until 8am or even 9. I know, awesome, right? But if he wakes up at 8:30am, there’s no way he’s going down for a first nap at 9am! So, on those days, I just bump everything up. If he wakes up an hour late, his first nap is an hour late, as is his second. Bedtime, however, stays the same. So far, this has worked beautifully!
Like I said (and those who’ve read this blog believe me!), I used to think that sleep training had to be a brutal thing. I used to think that mothers who let their baby cry for a minute or two were evil and lazy (okay, hyperbole, but you know what I mean). Turns out, there really are different kinds of cries. Now that we’ve been doing this for a while, I really CAN tell the difference between a cry that needs to “work itself out” (it always does within a few moments), or a cry that says he may need a bit more rocking and comfort in order to “find sleep”.
And I’ve also found that we are a much happier family as a result. G gets the good sleep that his body needs (he’s growing like a weed! So tall!), and we get a large chunk of “baby-free” time every evening, all to ourselves! Plus, we get to get a good night’s rest.
SO, mothers of newborns, take heart! It does get better!
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christina says
When does it switch from newborn land to schedule land? I know that question can elicit many different opinions!
christina says
Oh and congrats!
Kelly says
I think it depends on the kid. Gregory was very attached to sleeping with me for the first few months, so he went to bed when I did, more or less. He also napped when I did (or vice versa? Can’t remember 🙂 ) . We weren’t on a “schedule” until about 6 months. It probably could’ve been sooner, but as I’ve explained, I really didn’t think we were the “sleep training” kind of people.
Another thing I forgot to mention– it’s best to wait until the baby is a bit older, because once they start sleeping through the night milk supply goes down. I still pump after G goes to bed, just to keep things up (12 hours is a LONG time to go without nursing, otherwise!). Nursing during the night also helps keep you from having your period again (mine didn’t return until G was 8.5 months old).