By: Rebecca Hatcher

Rebecca Hatcher — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 05:47:00 +0000

I just came back to this post, and I wanted to comment on it, as one of the bio-children from a foster family. When our foster siblings left, it was SO hard. I was 14 or so at the time, they had lived with us for 3 years, and I wasn’t given very good tools to deal with the loss. I was devastated and deeply depressed after they left. But I never, not even for a minute, wished that they hadn’t come to live with us. My sister might feel differently (she has her own story and feelings, of course) but I never, not even for a minute, was sad that my parents had brought them into our family. I was just devastated when they left, because I loved them, and they were a piece of my family, and them leaving was really hard. But the pain of them going was very normal and healthy. So I hope that while your family is probably going through a recovery period after this particular experience, you might also want to remember that your little babies may be experiencing grief, but that might not necessarily mean that fostering was the wrong decision, or that it has irreparably hurt your babies. If anything, I think that fostering broadened and deepened my heart. It changed me forever, but it did so by giving me a more compassionate heart, and an understanding for the disadvantaged and suffering, and for misunderstood abused children. Even today, so many years later, I think I am a better, more patient mom to my children because of that experience, because I look at my own little kids, and sometimes, I see my foster-siblings in them. And I hope that you can know, in the midst of this, that you did a very wonderful thing for those children, Kelly. You redeemed them. They could have been passed around from one foster family to the next for the rest of their childhood, but YOU gave them a good home, and introduced them to Jesus, and by the grace of God, made the connection to a good adoptive family. Their lives could have gone in a VERY different direction, but YOU stepped in and changed their lives, forever. That is a good and holy thing. And it is totally OK and healthy and normal if your bio-kids are grieving and processing in their own little ways! I think it would be weird if they didn’t miss their foster-siblings, right?

By: Seana Turner

Seana Turner — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 19:18:00 +0000

These are tough thoughts to process. Children are so innocent, and it is hard to balance wanting to help other kids and protect our own. I don’t think there are any easy answers. I appreciate your sharing this… it is an aspect of foster parenting that someone considering the process should consider. My belief is that, as children age, they will look back and see the love and care you shared, and be proud that their parents are such terrific people:)

Comments on: How Foster Care Has Affected My Bio Children

By: Rebecca Hatcher

By: Seana Turner