Under the Umbrella of: “This Conversation Really Happened”

Cayucous BBQ AJ and Gregory

Our recent foster care situation has forever opened my eyes to how many children are out there, waiting for a home. Through my research, I’ve also learned that the greatest need is for babies with ethnicity or disability. Even greater is the need for sibling placements– someone willing to take 2-3 kids from the same family in order to keep them together.

I truly cannot understand why there are more “minority” babies out there than “white”. Maybe people want a “cohesive” looking family, and it’s easier to pretend they are your biological kid if they look like you. But isn’t the beauty of adoption that it’s NOT biological? That it’s NOT cohesive, but it works anyways? That love breaks through the barrier that is blood and race?

As I’ve we’ve done more and more research, one thing has become clear– if we adopt someday, I WANT a baby of a different race than us. I will ignore all the white babies and go straight for the one with dark skin. Add some medical disabilities in there. I want THOSE babies. All of them.

The hubby has tried to gently inform me that my recent obsession with the less-wanted might, just maybe, just maybe, have to do with my grieving process over C, our last foster placement.

Whatever, I say. The heart wants what the heart wants.

We’d been talking about this for weeks when the topic came up at church, during coffee hour. With the hubby beside me, I was explaining to a fellow English teacher and our choir director that if the situation was right, we would love to adopt someday. I kept going, talking about how many babies are unwanted because of their race, and it was making me mad, just talking about it.

“I want an african american baby. Period.” I said firmly.

The English teacher smiled hesitantly, and said, “You mean, through ADOPTION?”

“Yes,” I said. “Of course.”

He smirked. “Because….” and he looked at the Hubby.

“Because there is a limit to what I can do for you” Jesse said.


“Well, I only make a specific breed of baby.”

And then I got it. They were making fun of me.  All 3 guys were howling with laughter.

“Yes, of COURSE, through adoption.” I said, irritated. “What else could I mean?”

Wrong question.

The English teacher smiled again. “Well, I just wouldn’t want you to go ‘looking’ for a different father….”

And then Jesse came in with the coup de grace.

“I mean, you do understand that I’m not a multi-ink pen? Click a different side and you get a different color?”

The analogy that took it too far. Forever mortified. Thanks, Hubby.


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  • http://thealmostnerdywife.blogspot.com Stephanie

    Bahahahaha! Oh goodness, Kelly. I’m so glad I know you … and that I’m not the only one to say ridiculous things. 🙂

    On that note, we saw a bumper sticker here in Seattle the other day that basically gave the message of, “If you don’t agree with abortion, then how many unwanted babies are you willing to adopt?” Answer? ALL of them! Seriously. Peter and I have an agreement that the moment we meet or hear of someone who is considering adoption, we immediately tell them we’ll take the baby. End of story. As in, I don’t have to ask Peter and he doesn’t have to ask me – neither one of us would be surprised to hear at the end of the day, “Oh, so-and-so told me she wants an abortion. So we’re adopting her kid.” It’s already agreed upon. Same thing if we ever get to adopt from the foster care system. I was working with too many families who wanted to get licensed so they could “complete their family” and they had soooooo many expectations of what the kid had to be like (certain age, race, not too many problems, legally free the moment they enter the home, etc, etc,) that I had to tell them their expectations were B.S. You can’t adopt to fill your own heart, especially from the foster care system (and even infants adopted at birth will have issues!). And you can’t be so unwilling to keep your heart from breaking at all costs. No, you need to be adopting them to care for THEM, and that means sacrifice, which you’ve definitely lived through. I think it’s one of the reasons that there are so many kids waiting to be adopted out of foster care – no one wants their homes, let alone their family life, to be so “messy”.

    Awful analogy aside, I love reading about your heart for adoption and giving kids a forever family. We need more people to have that calling!

    • http://thealmostnerdywife.blogspot.com Stephanie

      Oops. I meant “someone considering abortion” … apparently I’ve got adoption on the brain!

  • http://www.dontquotetheraven.com Raven

    ha! The things some people say AMAZE me. I loved this post. It speaks a lot about the person you are, you are WONDERFUL for having a heart to do what you are doing. We need more people like you.

    ps. I totally loved the comment above me 😉

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