Jesse would actually prefer that I call this an “incident”. He believes that one must go through “disaster” before arriving at catastrophe. Incident-Disaster-Catastrophe. 3 Step Process. Mind you, however, that he said this before Event #3 unfolded.
I really like soup. Lots. But have you seen the high sodium in those things? The recommended daily allowance of sodium for an adult is 1200-1500 mg. For comparison, a Quarter Pounder at McDonalds has 1300 mg. And GET THIS: A cheeseburger at Chili’s has 4300 mg!!! Forget the calories and fat involved, this is why America is having so many heart attacks! Good grief!
When you compare soup with those things, it isn’t too bad– 850 mg. per serving. Since I eat the whole can, that’s around 1700 mg. In one meal. Not too fantastic.
Event #1 “The Incident”
So, I tried the “low sodium” version of the Chicken Noodle soup, just because I’d like to stay away from high blood pressure during this pregnancy (I didn’t say EVERY pregnancy…).
THE GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER TASTED.
Even the garbage disposal regurgitated it. Ever try washing $1 down the drain? It’s sad. A whole dollar! That’s 2 Diet Cherry Limeades at Sonic!!! All gone, because someone decided that eating yarn floating in dishwater was supposed to taste like Chicken Noodle soup.
Event #2 “The Disaster”
After force-feeding the sink, I tried again. This time, I went for “Split Pea with Ham”– the normal sodium variety. If you’ve ever seen condensed soup, it’s not pretty. And it doesn’t come out of the can easily, even with a fork. Which is what I discovered when I accidently flung it in my face.
The snotty brain blob didn’t even make it to the floor before Claire had gobbled it up. She likes to follow me whenever I go into the kitchen. She is well aware of her odds. “Mommy’s a klutz. Mommy can’t cook. I am hungry. Feed me.”
Pretty sure I would see that missing soup once again, about 5 hours later, packaged (hopefully, packaged, not runny, please, dear God) into little green poop, I finally poured what was left into the pot, added the water and cooked it. Tasty, and well worth the wait. I packaged up the 2nd “850 mg. of sodium” and put it in the fridge.
Event #3 “The Catastrophe”
Later that night, as we were watching the 5th Star Trek movie (the old ones with William Shatner), I started craving that leftover Split Pea Soup. Jesse happened to be up and about, so I asked if he’d pop it in the microwave.
I didn’t ask him to spill it all over the carpet on his way out of the kitchen. Nope, he did that all on his own.
And there was Claire, who follows Jesse around because she worships the ground he walks on. If the first round of green didn’t give her bowel issues, this was sure to do it.
We scrubbed as much as we could, but I’m pretty sure there’s still a green hue. Good thing we own plenty of stain remover for our peeing wonder dog who will surely have the runs by tomorrow morning.
And that’s when I noticed Mirabelle lapping up what was left in the bowl that Jesse had set down.
Great. Just great.
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“Kids, You Are All Going To Die”